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Live without regret

Monday, 23 March 2015

Recently I discovered ‘Right before I Die.’ A photographic project created by photographer Andrew George. He spent two years photographing 20 people living with terminal illness. In addition to the portraits George also interviewed each individual about their lives, regrets and final moments. You can read more about the project here.

For me, this project really got me thinking.

One of my biggest fears is getting to the end of my life and feeling as though it wasn't truly fulfilled. That I didn't do all the things I want to do or live in a way that I want to live. I'm scared of having regrets.

I think everyone is a little guilty of taking life for granted. We all live with the expectation that we are guaranteed so much more life to live and so we tend to put things off.

Everyone has ideas in their head of what they want their life to be like but quite often the reality is very different and I think a lot of the time we're scared. We’re scared of leaving certain things behind. We’re scared of the consequences of our actions and we’re just scared that things might not work out.

Right now I hate the job I have. I cry all the way home after every shift I work but I stay because of the money. Looking at the project created by Andrew George made me realise that those at the end of their lives don’t care about how many hours they worked or how much money they made they care about their memories and the people they made them with.

A long time ago I created a bucket list. A lot of the stuff on there is based around travelling but I'm 20 and I've still not travelled. I'm scared of doing it alone and again I'm scared of the financial side of things. This project has made me want to make a change. I've never regretted anything I've done but I will always regret the opportunities I've missed out on 

I want to create a life that I love living.

I'm going to get out of that job I hate. Stop worrying about money and go out and experience all the things I want my life to be made up off so that one day I can look back on my life and know that there is not one thing I missed out on. I will not regret the life I've lived.

I guess this post is just a little reminder to live.

 Not just exist but actually live.

Take risks, say yes and have fun.



Sunday, 22 March 2015

Things have been a little quiet on here recently.

 I've actually been preparing for my university interview which you can read more about here.

I've honestly had no time for anything else.

My interview was Wednesday and on Friday I was offered a place so in September I'll be off to study Make up for Media and Performance at the Arts University in Bournemouth.

I promise that now its all over I'll be focusing on creating content for the blog starting with a new post up tomorrow morning!

Thank you for bearing with me!


Friday, 13 March 2015

Source: Recite


Q: What are you wearing?
A: My oversized Guns and Roses t-shirt.


Q: Ever been in love?
A: Yeah… I think so, but I hope one day I experience something that makes me realise I hadn't been up until that point.


Q: Ever had a terrible breakup?
A: None of my breakups have been particularly great… but there’s one that was pretty terrible.


Q: How tall are you?
A: Just over 5ft 4.


Q: How much do you weigh?
A: 9 stone 12. About a year ago I had the contraceptive injection which caused a 1.5 stone weight gain. I've lost 1 stone but I'm hoping to lose another.


Q: Any tattoos?
A: Just one on my rib cage but I'm hoping to get more. I think I’ll be starting my arms next.


Q: Any piercings?
A: several – lobes, helix, tragus, anti-tragus, daith (the love heart bar) and my nose.


Q: OTP – One True Pairing?
A: This can be food related right? I'm going to go with vanilla ice cream blended with baileys – trust me, this is so good!

Q: Favourite show?
A: Skins, Gossip Girl and American Horror story.


Q: Favourite bands?
A: Mumford and Sons, Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran.


Q: Something you miss?
A: The person I was before I got sick 3 years ago.


Q: Favourite Song
A: This changes constantly but at the moment it's Believe by Mumford and Sons


Q: How old are you?
A: I'm 20


Q: Zodiac sign?
A: Scorpio.


Q: Quality you look for in a partner?
A: Trust is huge for me following past experiences but a sense of humour is always nice too.


Q: Favourite Quote?
A: I think this will always change depending on what is going on in my life but I saw this recently and love it so much! ‘I interviewed a woman who was terminally ill. “So” I tried to delicately ask, “What is it like to wake up every morning knowing that you are dying?” “Well” she responded, “What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you are not?” 


Q: Favourite Actor/Actress?
A: How am I meant to choose one!? Errrm Dane DeHaan, Robin Williams, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lawrence and Shailene Woodley.


Q: Favourite Colour?
A: Black.


Q: Loud or soft music?
A: Depends on my mood.


Q: Where do you go when you’re sad?
A: Weirdly I always end up sat in my mums en suite.


Q: How long does it take you to shower?
A: About 30 minutes. Yeah I don’t know what I do in there either.


Q: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
A: About 40 minutes.


Q: Ever been in a physical fight?
A: Never.


Q: Turn on?
A: These both sound so weird but veiny arms and nice lips?


Q: Turn off?
A: Lying and feet.


Q: The reason I started a blog? (Original question was why I started YouTube but I don’t have a YouTube channel yet – hopefully one day!)
A: While studying to become a make-up artist I want somewhere to keep up to date with products I like and dislike. But I'm also at that stage in my life where I'm trying to figure out the person I want to be and while I figure that out I also want somewhere to keep all my thoughts, memories and experiences.


Q: Fears?
A: You know those people you see in the street painted silver? They bloody terrify me! I'm scared of getting old and realising I didn't live the life I truly wanted and I'm scared of dying too


Q: Last thing that made you cry?
A: I lost my temper with a rude patient at work and cried all the way home because I felt so bad afterwards.


Q: Last time you said you loved someone?
A:  Last night to my best friend


Q: Meaning behind your blog name? (Again the original question was YouTube name but I don’t have a channel yet!)
A: I've always been told that I live with my head in the clouds in terms of my aspirations and goals but I really believe that it is all possible so I'm more than happy to live with my head in the clouds so “find me elsewhere” is sort of aimed towards all the people that told me I cant.


Q: Last book you read?
A: This is how we find each other by Fortesa Latifi


Q: The book you’re currently reading?
A: Where She Went by Gayle Forman. It’s the sequel to If I Stay which was recently made into a film as well.


Q: Last show you watched?
A: Dexter.  I'm currently halfway through season 7.


Q: Last person you talked to?
A: My mum


Q: The relationship between you and the person you last text?
A: Best friends


Q: Favourite food?
A: Yorkshire puddings!


Q: Place you want to visit?
A: I want to travel and see as much as the world as possible but high up on my list at the moment are Amsterdam, Australia and New York.


Q. Last place you were?
A: just now? Home. But the last time I travelled out of the UK was 2013 when I went to Ibiza.


Q: Do you have crush?
A: Yep.


Q: Last time you kissed someone?
A: About 2 months ago.


Q: Last time you were insulted
A: On the phone at work by a patient.


Q: Favourite flavour of sweet?
A: Sour Apple.


Q: What instruments do you play?
A: None! The triangle is as good as it gets for me but really want to learn to play the guitar.


Q: Favourite piece of jewellery
A: The flying pig necklace my mum brought me.


Q: Last sport you played?
A: I can’t even remember the last actual sport I played but I try and do HIIT training daily.


Q: Last song you sang?
A: Guts over fear by Eminem on my way home from work.


Q: Favourite chat up line?
A: Chat up lines are awful. They’ll always make me laugh but I don’t really have a favourite


Q: Have you ever used it?
A: Never!


Q: Last time you hung out with anyone?
A: Monday with my best friend in London!


Q: Who should answer these questions next?
A: Any one that wants to!

Let me know if you do this yourself and I'll check it out.
Are there any other blog tags worth doing?

Chia - Camden Food Market

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Camden has to be one of my favourite places in London; made even better by the food market that's there. 

There is so much choice and there is a stall to cater for everyone including those that are gluten free and vegan - which is normally over looked .

You could probably make your way around the market and not actually be hungry by the end of it with the amount of samples they give out, but the food is incredible and I love the whole atmosphere that surrounds street food and food markets.

We finally settled with a stall named Chia for our food. The food looked amazing and was probably one of the most reasonable prices we saw around the market.

We decided to try the chicken and halloumi wrap and ordered one to share (big mistake - they taste so good and we ended up going back for a second.)

The 'wrap' itself is actually a flat bread, and one of the best flat breads I've had. There's a choice of Chicken, Halloumi or both and then you choose your fillings. The filling options are: Rocket, Quinoa and Tomato, Red Cabbage, Avocado, Sunflower seeds, Garlic Aioli and Honey and Mustard Dressing.

We decided to have everything in ours and it was honestly one of the best things I've ever eaten and its healthy which is always a bonus!

you can find Chia on:
Twitter: chia_foods
Instagram: chia_foods

If you're ever in Camden go check them out!

Dealing With Heartbreak

Thursday, 5 March 2015

© image Lang Leav 

I've spent the last four days lying beside my best friend while she cries herself to sleep; fierce sobs that any other person would mistake as an indication of physical pain. 

You tend to forget how painful a break up is until you see someone you love going through the same thing, and the wall you built to hide those memories comes tearing down and they clumsily spill out.

They sit opposite you, tears streaming down their face while they frantically ask you questions, the same questions you were asking them just months ago when you felt like nothing would ever get better, that you would never get over it and that you could never feel this way about anybody else.

But, things do get better, you do get over it and eventually, you experience those feelings all over again for someone else.

For now, do what you need to do. 

Shout, scream and act pathetic. 
Skip meals, skip showers, skip school. 
Ignore everyone for days on end then call your friends to come over when you're finally ready to cry with someone else instead of crying alone. 
Get rid of every item of theirs that you own, then run outside in the pouring rain when you realise you're not quite ready to part with that yet.
Watch romantic movies when you finally feel ready, then break down realising that you're not.
Have your good days and your bad days

And when you're ready... this is for you. 

To the girl that lays awake at 2AM washing her face with tears.

To the girl that’s drinking to forget.

This is all for you. 

I hope it helps and I promise that one day, things will get better.

1. Don’t ever beg

 You know that thing, when it’s the 10th call you've made in the last 5 minutes. They’re still not picking up so you leave the 10th voice mail asking them to call you back, begging them to reconsider and whatever else you can manage to articulate through the vast amount of tears you find yourself drowning in. yeah? Well firstly, I'm really hoping I'm not the only one that's ever done that. Secondly, when you look back on that months later this memory will make you die from embarrassment. 
Don't do it.  
Nothing you say or do will make a difference to their decision. It has to come from them and you need to give them time to figure that out for themselves.
Just remember “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum - Mandy Hale” 

2. Accept what’s happening

The last thing you want to do is acknowledge the fact that you've lost something you love.
To stay completely still and in that moment feel your heart break in all its entirety.
But, that's exactly what you need to do
The breaking up isn't even the hardest bit. It’s accepting that that person is no longer a part of your life. It’s the sinking feeling you get when you check your phone and realise that it’s been a week, and they still haven’t messaged you.
The longer you pretend that it’s not happening, that somehow you can fix everything, the longer you put off getting over it.
If you avoid it now, it'll just pop up somewhere else along the line.
Maybe one day things will work themselves out, but you can’t just wait around just in case.
You need to grieve, work through it and come out so much stronger.

3. Don’t force things

It’s so easy to come up with reasons to text someone when you’re missing them. Silly questions you already know the answer to, mundane questions about their day. Nothing of importance just something. Something that means they’ll talk to you. Don’t force conversation out of someone. If they want to talk, they will
And if they say nothing? Well, what’s left unsaid says it all.

4. Cry when you need to

Never be afraid to fall apart.
Everyone has moments of sadness.
Allow yourself these moments. Days, maybe even weeks. Just don’t let them take over your life.
Being sad is something that can so easily spiral out of control. To get to a point at which you can’t get back out. If you ever feel like you’re getting to this point, tell someone.
Cry when you need to. But remember to ask for help when you need that too.
5. Keep busy

Keeping busy means you’ll be distracted.
Do things you know you’ll enjoy with people you love.
Call your friends, go shopping, see a movie. Have nights in and nights out. Clear out your wardrobe, start a new gym class or take up a new hobby.
The busier you are the less time you have to focus on that person and whats happened. And if you can improve your life while distracting yourself, well that’s even better.

6. Take care of yourself

It’s so easy to stop caring for yourself. To stop showering, eating, shaving your legs and plucking your eyebrows. All you want to do is lay in bed and cry. But you need to be strong and making sure you’re okay physically will help you heal emotionally.
 If you don’t feel up to making yourself a meal call a friend. Put on some music, have a drink and make yourself something together.
Take care of yourself and let the world take care of the rest.

Everything will be okay, just maybe not today.

YSL Black Opium Review

Sunday, 1 March 2015

Black Opium is the most recent offering from YSL.

Described as a ‘glam rock fragrance full of mystery and energy’ YSL definitely seem to be aiming for a younger following with this one.

The packaging alone has the whole ‘glam rock’ thing covered. Its black, with a hint of pink and the whole bottle is covered in glitter. Personally, I love it, but then then you could give me almost anything covered in glitter and I would be obsessed with it.

I can’t compare this to the original Opium as I've never actually smelt it but, Black Opium has top notes of Black Coffee (supposedly for ‘a shot of adrenaline’) heart notes of White Florals (this is meant to ‘instantly seduce’) and base notes of Vanilla (apparently for ‘sweetness and sensuality’) The vanilla is the thing that I notice the most. I love vanilla but for anyone that isn't so keen, this isn't the fragrance for you.

When I first spray this, the only way I can describe the smell is musky vanilla – which doesn't sound that appealing but I promise you it is. The fragrance does last but it changes over the course of the day and by evening it’s a much sweeter vanilla.

Black Opium has become my evening fragrance. It’s perfect for a night out but a little too heavy for daytime and at £43.50 for 30ml, it’s not really something I can afford to wear every day even though a little does go a long way. Thank god for birthdays and Christmas!

Black opium comes in 30ml (£43.40), 50ml (£61.50) and 90ml (£80.50) and you can purchase here
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