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Dealing With Heartbreak

Thursday, 5 March 2015

© image Lang Leav 

I've spent the last four days lying beside my best friend while she cries herself to sleep; fierce sobs that any other person would mistake as an indication of physical pain. 

You tend to forget how painful a break up is until you see someone you love going through the same thing, and the wall you built to hide those memories comes tearing down and they clumsily spill out.

They sit opposite you, tears streaming down their face while they frantically ask you questions, the same questions you were asking them just months ago when you felt like nothing would ever get better, that you would never get over it and that you could never feel this way about anybody else.

But, things do get better, you do get over it and eventually, you experience those feelings all over again for someone else.

For now, do what you need to do. 

Shout, scream and act pathetic. 
Skip meals, skip showers, skip school. 
Ignore everyone for days on end then call your friends to come over when you're finally ready to cry with someone else instead of crying alone. 
Get rid of every item of theirs that you own, then run outside in the pouring rain when you realise you're not quite ready to part with that yet.
Watch romantic movies when you finally feel ready, then break down realising that you're not.
Have your good days and your bad days

And when you're ready... this is for you. 

To the girl that lays awake at 2AM washing her face with tears.

To the girl that’s drinking to forget.

This is all for you. 

I hope it helps and I promise that one day, things will get better.

1. Don’t ever beg

 You know that thing, when it’s the 10th call you've made in the last 5 minutes. They’re still not picking up so you leave the 10th voice mail asking them to call you back, begging them to reconsider and whatever else you can manage to articulate through the vast amount of tears you find yourself drowning in. yeah? Well firstly, I'm really hoping I'm not the only one that's ever done that. Secondly, when you look back on that months later this memory will make you die from embarrassment. 
Don't do it.  
Nothing you say or do will make a difference to their decision. It has to come from them and you need to give them time to figure that out for themselves.
Just remember “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum - Mandy Hale” 

2. Accept what’s happening

The last thing you want to do is acknowledge the fact that you've lost something you love.
To stay completely still and in that moment feel your heart break in all its entirety.
But, that's exactly what you need to do
The breaking up isn't even the hardest bit. It’s accepting that that person is no longer a part of your life. It’s the sinking feeling you get when you check your phone and realise that it’s been a week, and they still haven’t messaged you.
The longer you pretend that it’s not happening, that somehow you can fix everything, the longer you put off getting over it.
If you avoid it now, it'll just pop up somewhere else along the line.
Maybe one day things will work themselves out, but you can’t just wait around just in case.
You need to grieve, work through it and come out so much stronger.

3. Don’t force things

It’s so easy to come up with reasons to text someone when you’re missing them. Silly questions you already know the answer to, mundane questions about their day. Nothing of importance just something. Something that means they’ll talk to you. Don’t force conversation out of someone. If they want to talk, they will
And if they say nothing? Well, what’s left unsaid says it all.

4. Cry when you need to

Never be afraid to fall apart.
Everyone has moments of sadness.
Allow yourself these moments. Days, maybe even weeks. Just don’t let them take over your life.
Being sad is something that can so easily spiral out of control. To get to a point at which you can’t get back out. If you ever feel like you’re getting to this point, tell someone.
Cry when you need to. But remember to ask for help when you need that too.
5. Keep busy

Keeping busy means you’ll be distracted.
Do things you know you’ll enjoy with people you love.
Call your friends, go shopping, see a movie. Have nights in and nights out. Clear out your wardrobe, start a new gym class or take up a new hobby.
The busier you are the less time you have to focus on that person and whats happened. And if you can improve your life while distracting yourself, well that’s even better.

6. Take care of yourself

It’s so easy to stop caring for yourself. To stop showering, eating, shaving your legs and plucking your eyebrows. All you want to do is lay in bed and cry. But you need to be strong and making sure you’re okay physically will help you heal emotionally.
 If you don’t feel up to making yourself a meal call a friend. Put on some music, have a drink and make yourself something together.
Take care of yourself and let the world take care of the rest.

Everything will be okay, just maybe not today.

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